On the Willing Victim of Abuse
“If you want to boil a frog,” goes the old saying, “heat the water slowly.” In a similar fashion, victims of abuse are not simply helpless victims as they are also willing victims. In many respects, victims make choices that ultimately lead to their mistreatment. That said, these willing victims gradually lose the ability to choose not to be victims as abusers slowly seduce their pray into circumstances that make them helpless.
The word choice is a powerful term that can be grossly misleading. People of affluent backgrounds have the ability to make near instant and direct choices; whereas, the less affluent must correctly make a series of smaller choices to achieve the end result of the one choice that the more affluent individual has had the opportunity to make. Because these choices cost in terms of resources, including money, time, missed opportunities, energy, and emotion, the disempowered can quickly become exhausted, thus they are essentially set up to fail and will most likely fail.
That said, what abusive individuals do is lure their victims into situations where they must make so many correct choices to achieve their interests, i.e. their wants, needs, and freedom, that they quit or direct their energies into more fruitful endeavors, instead of addressing their plight. Accordingly, victims of abusers, as well as victims of any kind of manipulator, are unable to make the choices they need to make. In terms of emotional, social, and economical choices, victims become locked into serving their victimizers' interests and whims.
On the other hand, most victims retain some degree of freedom. With meaningful help from an outside support network, the victims of abusers and other manipulators can eventually increase their degree of freedom. In other words, victims with adequate support from family, friends, and community can make the right small choices that will eventually allow them to achieve a healthy lifestyle, if given enough time, appropriate support, and opportunity.
Obviously, those who find themselves in far more dire circumstances need greater help. Quite frankly, the longer someone is trapped in an abusive environment, the more reliant that individual will be on outside support. Accordingly, communities need to learn how to better respond to such circumstances or address budding problems sooner. Meanwhile, it is important to understand that the abused are dysfunctional to varying degrees and the dysfunctional do harm to their broader community by causing disruptions, instead of contributing to society. In other words, communities have an interest in saving the abused as they can either harm the community or make it stronger.
The word choice is a powerful term that can be grossly misleading. People of affluent backgrounds have the ability to make near instant and direct choices; whereas, the less affluent must correctly make a series of smaller choices to achieve the end result of the one choice that the more affluent individual has had the opportunity to make. Because these choices cost in terms of resources, including money, time, missed opportunities, energy, and emotion, the disempowered can quickly become exhausted, thus they are essentially set up to fail and will most likely fail.
That said, what abusive individuals do is lure their victims into situations where they must make so many correct choices to achieve their interests, i.e. their wants, needs, and freedom, that they quit or direct their energies into more fruitful endeavors, instead of addressing their plight. Accordingly, victims of abusers, as well as victims of any kind of manipulator, are unable to make the choices they need to make. In terms of emotional, social, and economical choices, victims become locked into serving their victimizers' interests and whims.
On the other hand, most victims retain some degree of freedom. With meaningful help from an outside support network, the victims of abusers and other manipulators can eventually increase their degree of freedom. In other words, victims with adequate support from family, friends, and community can make the right small choices that will eventually allow them to achieve a healthy lifestyle, if given enough time, appropriate support, and opportunity.
Obviously, those who find themselves in far more dire circumstances need greater help. Quite frankly, the longer someone is trapped in an abusive environment, the more reliant that individual will be on outside support. Accordingly, communities need to learn how to better respond to such circumstances or address budding problems sooner. Meanwhile, it is important to understand that the abused are dysfunctional to varying degrees and the dysfunctional do harm to their broader community by causing disruptions, instead of contributing to society. In other words, communities have an interest in saving the abused as they can either harm the community or make it stronger.
