The Washington Outsider


Recognizing Abuse

People engage in abusive behavior to try to get their way when others will not, or cannot, comply with their impulses and other demands.  The violence involved in physical abuse, for example, is a tool by which an abuser forces others to do what he, or she, wants.  Sexual abuse, controlling behavior, manipulation, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, and other forms of personal attacks are just different ways of expressing abusive tendencies.  Where anyone can be an abuser, including “nice guys” needing to control, males and females can find themselves in abusive relationships with their significant others, parents, children, other relatives, friends, neighbors, colleagues, employers and other associates.

The problem with recognizing abuse is that for every act, which can be interpreted as abusive, there are legitimate reasons for responding in such a way.  If someone threatens or attacks you, your response is self-defense, whether it involves a violent or aggressive response.  Verbal, emotional, and psychological abuse are often ways of defending oneself, especially when an individual is particularly passive-aggressive.  Meanwhile, social abuse, such as bullying, slander, harassment, and abusive uses of peer pressure, can be difficult to distinguish from acceptable behavior.  Abuse is abusive, because abusers are pursuing what they need and want by either neglecting the needs and wants of others or suppressing the needs and wants of other.  Given how difficult it can be to identify when someone is being abusive and when he, or she, is not, it is necessary to watch out for these warning signs.

 
15. a.  If you are a passive person who has trouble asserting your needs and wants, you may be susceptible to abusive behaviors and relationships.  If you find yourself unable to express your needs and wants to someone who consistently overrides your decisions, feelings, and wants, you may be in an abusive relationship.  You should seek guidance from trusted family, friends, community leaders, and/or professional counselors able to help you better assert your needs and wants in healthier ways.

b. If you tend to be a passive-aggressive person who has trouble appropriately asserting your needs and wants then find yourself taking your frustrations out on others by exploding at people for not listening to what you want and need, you and those close to you may be trapped in a cycle of abuse.  Where your passive tendencies make you susceptible to abuse, your aggressive tendencies make it more likely you will react to others with abusive responses.  You should seek guidance from trusted family, friends, community leaders, and/or professional counselors able to help you better assert your needs and wants n healthier ways

c. If you tend to be an aggressive person, you may well find yourself in combative relationships with other aggressive people that eventually escalate into mutually abusive relationships.  You should seek guidance from trusted family, friends, community leaders, and/or professional counselors able to help you better assert your needs and wants in healthier ways.

14. Abuse is built on the foundation of bad relationships.  If you find yourself in a relationship out of convenience, a need to belong, or a need to feel attached to someone, you may be in an arrangement that can easily devolve into an abusive situation when the superficial reason for your relationship ceases to exist.  

You should ask yourself, “am I in a relationship because my family and friends want me to be in a relationship with someone.”  “Am I in a relationship because I want to or need to be a relationship, any relationship?”  

Whether just meeting someone or transitioning to a new phase in a preexisting relationship, it is important to recognize experiences change people as well as relationships.  If a relationship becomes unhealthy or abusive, it is important to take proactive steps to address the unhealthy elements of that relationship before the situation gets worse.  You should seek guidance from trusted family, friends, community leaders, and/or professional counselors able to help you better assert your needs and wants in healthier ways.

13. Abusive individuals tend to be egocentric to thoroughly self-absorbed, thus they will interpret the world in terms of their own thoughts, their own feelings, and how they would act if in the same situation as others.  As such, they tend to dismiss or show a lack of empathy toward anything outside of their understanding of the world while they will rationalize wrongdoings they have done, even if they would condemn others for it.  They will also show a lack of empathy toward their victims while sympathizing with abusive individuals who remind them of their selves.

12.   Although people new to a relationship try to impress each other by “putting their best foot forward,” maturing relationships reveal faults.  If a companion continually and aggressively avoids showing his, or her, “true self,” particularly in familiar and comfortable situations, the relationship is very likely to devolve into a dysfunctional to abusive situation as the relationship becomes more and more difficult to dissolve on an emotional, social, and financial level.  It is not, however, advisable to “test” or “toy with” others in order to reveal their “true colors.”  If you try to provoke a negative response, you will mostly likely get a negative response.

11. If a relationship is progressing too quickly, you may find yourself being lured into an emotional, social, and financial trap.  When an individual becomes increasingly dependent upon another, the more influential individual tends to become more demanding and controlling of the dependent individual.  If your new companion immediately presses you to have sex, to move in together, talks about marriage right away, or wants to have children as soon as possible, this could be a sign that he, or she, is entangling you in a relationship that cannot easily be dissolved.  This is a warning that controlling and other abusive behavior may dominate your relationship as time progresses.

10. Someone who has uncontrollable mood swings where he, or she, is sweet one moment then rude and downright abrasive the next is likely to become abusive as a relationship progresses.

9. Because abusive individuals try to control the decisions and actions of others, they often fear a lack of control.  As such, one of the earliest signs of domestic abuse is jealousy.  If you are in a relationship where your companion feels agitated when out of contact with you, constantly demands to know your whereabouts whenever you are not together, or makes unfounded accusations of you cheating , or  even starts following you on a regular basis, you are likely in an abusive relationship that is going to get worse.

8. If you are in a relationship with someone who has a history of violence or you learn this person has been abusive in the past, you need to be vigilant and take steps to prevent your relationship from degenerating into an abusive situation.  While an abusive person may deny claims of past abuse, make excuses, or expect you to accept believe he, or she, has changed, it is very easy for past abusers to regress to their abusive tendencies.  Awareness is the first defense against abuse and being aware of an abusive history means you can help stop future abuse if you take the right steps when the abuse starts.

7. Under stress, does your companion violently or inappropriately threaten, insult, and/or engage in other forms of abuse.  When feeling comfortable or safe, does this individual feel the need to constantly belittle and degrade you in order to have a good time?  Conversely, does your companion respond to friendly teasing with inappropriate responses or become extremely angry when treated in a similarly manner despite initiating the exchange?  Because abusive people disenfranchise their targets, they often have double standards, including a feeling of grave injustice when they feel victimized in the slightest bit while inflicting harsh punitive measure on those who they feel have offended them.

6. If you are in a relationship with someone who blames you for the way he, or she, feels, if everything you do, or say, is interpreted as a personal attack, this is a sign that you are in a combative relationship filled with conflicts that may eventually degenerate into violent altercations. 

5. If your companion decides who you can talk to and/or when you can talk to them, this is an example of controlling behavior.  Do you always have to ask permission to go out with a friend or repeatedly face backlash if you see someone without his, or her, consent.  Does he, or she, limit what you are “allowed” to do, especially if he, or she, does as he, or she, pleases?  Does he, or she, constantly make decisions for you?  Does your significant often discount your feelings?  If you can answer yes to any of these question, you are in an unhealthy to abusive relationship.  Although there are ways to inappropriately express your feelings and pursue what you want, how you feel is never wrong while you are an individual entitled to your free will and to disagree with those in your life.  

4. Because abuse is a mentality, overly aggressive and violent behavior toward other people, especially children, animals, and even objects serve as bold warning signs that someone is abusive.  Does your companion punch walls, tables, constantly call others names, or try to instill fear into others?  Does he, or she, degrade children and pets or use force to control those he, or she, has influence over.  These are all signs that this person will eventually become violent toward you.

3. If you are in a relationship where your partner tries to isolate you from the people who care about you or tries to prevent you from going to work, seek outside help immediately.  This is a sign that you are in a thoroughly abusive relationship that will only escalate with time as you become increasingly isolated and dependent.

2. If your significant other forcefully coerces you into having sex against your will or responds in an explosive manner until you have sex, these are signs of an abusive relationship that could become violent.

1. Does your partner often engaged in violent behavior?  Has he, or she, been violent toward you or others?  This is a sign of escalating abuse.  Although violence is a natural response to threats and there are situations where a proportionate response to the violence of others is appropriate, violence for any other purpose is unacceptable and cannot be tolerated.  Seek professional help immediately.


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      • Should One's Faith Influence a Citizen's Vote?
      • Should the U.S. Government Help Fund Election Campaigns?
      • On Defunding Political Science Research
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      • Justice for All: The Case for Legal, Social, Economic, and Personal Justice
      • Why Hardliner Thinking in the NSA and CIA is Doing Damage
      • On the Baby Boomer’s Self-Centeredness
      • The Case for Personal Responsibility
      • What Modern Day Revolutionaries Need to Learn from Leader's like Mandela
      • Rising Western Acceptance of LGBT Primes Culture Clash
      • The Need for Wisdom Beyond the Numbers
      • Perceptions of the United States
      • How Honesty Relates to the Great Recession
      • Why the Middle Class and Rich Need to Support Their Long-term Interests
      • The Aristocratic Republic of the United States of America
      • Discussing the Need for Community Support
      • Why New Forms of Capitalism and Socialism Will Compliment Each Other
      • The Reason We Need to Understand What it is to Be Poor in America
      • Why the World Needs to Reinvest in America
      • Why Are We Against Terrorism?
      • Why Does Terrorism Exist?
      • US Influence: The Value of American Citizenship Around the World
      • Responding to "the Soldier as Sacrficial Victim"
    • Human Nature >
      • How comfort defines us as people >
        • Is Suicide a Cowardly Way Out?
      • Defense Against the Dark Arts of Manipulators
      • Defining Abuse >
        • On the Willing Victim of Abuse
        • How to Understand Abuse Victims
        • Recognizing Abuse
      • The Role of Substitution in Decision Making
      • Trying to Understand PTSD and Other Trauma-induced Mental Health Issues
      • Exploring Human Emotion >
        • Mental Illness is Not the Cause of Anger and Violence >
          • Trying to Understand the Boston Marathon Bombing and Other Violent Crimes
          • Getting into the Twisted Mind of the Tucson Murder
      • Describing the Mind as Modes of Thought >
        • It’s Just Sex?
      • Relationships, or Arrangement
      • Understanding the Effects of Groupthink in the Workplace
      • Relating Circular, Inductive, and Deductive Reasoning to the Scientific Method and Religion
      • What is a Redneck? Understanding Different Cultures and Thinking
    • Economics >
      • The Need for Greater Economic Leverage >
        • Evaluating NAFTA and TPP
        • Undercutting Logistics with the Underpaid Independent Contractor
        • Unions: Hindrance or Essential to Free Markets
        • Eminent Domain Used Against Banks
        • Haitians Sue the UN for Failure to Help With Cholera
        • Looking at How Corn-based Ethanol and Other Alternative Energy Subsidies Stack Up
      • Empowering the Sovereign Nation-State by Rethinking Trade Policy >
        • Irish Sovereignty Lost Before Bailout
        • Why Sudan's Greatest Long-Term Hurdle is Our Lowest-bidder Economy
        • Reduce US Imports by Buying American Made Products
      • Ending the need for government support and tackling poverty
      • Income inequality: understanding the limitations and psychology of disadvantage
      • Looking at the Future of American Jobs >
        • On Questioning the Need to Address Economic Disparity
        • Minimum Wage is Not the Problem
        • Responding to the "Blip"
        • Why Education Is Not The Civil Rights Issue Of The Twenty-First Century
      • Considering the Impact of the Capital Gains Tax Deduction
      • Embracing a Capitalist Mindset >
        • Capitalism Versus Socialism
        • The Negatives of Socialism
      • Stealing Intellectual Property
      • Changing Business Models: From Enduring Entities to Cash Cows
      • Consumer and Investor Evolution in the Great Recession of 2008-09
      • Dealing with the Issues Surrounding the Patenting of Self-replicating Technologies
      • Is Technology Threatening Jobs?
    • Education >
      • The Role of Education in Creating a More Dynamic Workforce
      • Primary Education in America and the Changing Needs of Society
      • The Greatness of the American Education System
      • Ideas for Improving the United States Education System
      • Are Teachers Treated as Professionals?
      • Is Engaging Parents in Their Children's Education a Major Factor in Turning Around Low-performing Schools?
      • Should Grants Be Awarded to School Districts that Try Innovative Methods to Improve Student Achievement?
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      • On Reading the US Constitution
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      • On the DOJ Justifying the “targeted Killings” of US Citizens
      • Corporations Do Not Have the Same Rights as US Citizens >
        • Corporate America Pleads the First
      • Discussing the Constitutionality of Per Capita Taxes
      • Was the California Supreme Court Right in Legalizing Gay Marriage?
      • Should the Bible Continue to Be Used for Swearing-in Ceremonies and in Courtrooms?
      • Should Religious Student Clubs Be Allowed in Public Schools?
      • Should the Government Control Talk Radio to Make it More "balanced"?
      • The Second Amendment: Not Outdated >
        • Are We Losing Our Second Amendment Rights
      • Eminent Domain Used Against Banks
      • Should a Woman Have the Right to Choose Abortion? >
        • Should Fathers Be Able to Opt Out of Parenthood?
      • Should Smoking Be Allowed in Public Places?
      • Is Teen Driving a Right or a Privilege?
      • Should US Companies Be Required to Provide Equal Pay to Women and Men?
      • Is eighteen too young to vote?
      • First Amendment Rights: The Priviledge of The Press
      • Do Mandatory Seat Belt Laws Violate Individual Rights?
      • Should cell phone use be banned while driving?
      • Dealing with the link between video game violence and children's behavior
      • Should police have to submit to routine drug and alcohol testing?
      • Public schools should not impose mandatory drug testing on students
      • Are High Taxes on Cigarettes Proper?
      • Should pharmacists be required to violate their religious beliefs and dispense the "Morning After Pill?"
      • Should school counselors uphold patient privacy or report students who become unstable?
  • For the record
    • Ongoing Issues >
      • Red Dawn in Ukraine: Understanding the Actions of Russia >
        • On Russia’s Coercion of Ukraine
        • The Russian Annexation of Crimea in the Eyes of the World
        • Putin Has Overplayed His Hand With Crimea
        • Ukraine in Terms of Resovereignization
        • Avoiding a Conflict Between America and Russia Over Ukraine
        • What Drives the World’s Interest in Russia’s Actions in Ukraine
      • China’s Aggressive Pursuit of Interests Demands a Global Response
      • Iran Makes a Deal: A Start to a Long-term Diplomatic Effort to Denuclearize Iran >
        • On the Future of a Nuclear Negotiations with Iran
      • America's Sphere of Influence: Retaking South-East Asia >
        • Power in Asia: Looking at the Power Shift in Japan
        • The China Paradox: Why America is Worried About China
      • Assessing US Support of Israel >
        • Tread Softly Israel for a Heavy Step May Be Your Undoing
      • Understanding the Dysfunctional Nature of the US-Pakistani Relationship
      • Recognizing the True Threat Behind the Current Unrest in the Middle East >
        • Reacting to the Escalating Crackdown in Syria
      • Assessing the Threat of North Korea >
        • Answering North Korea's Call for Food Aid: Breaking the Vicious Cycle Forced Upon Us by a Warring Nation
        • Dealing with the Restarting of the Korean War
        • North Korea Attacks South Korea
      • Dealing with the Ill-effects of Climate Change
      • Racial Inequality and Oppression Do Truly Exist in Today's Society
      • Should energy independence be a high priority in the US?
      • An overview of world wide Human Rights violations
      • Nuclear Threat from Pakistan
      • Return of The Cold War?
    • World >
      • Coverage of FIFA World Cup is a Chance to Focus on Poverty >
        • The FIFA World Cup Offers Benefits for More Than Brazilian Soccer Fans
        • FIFA Can Bring Brazilians Together as a Nation
      • Being Prepared for Any Potential Dangers at the FIFA World Cup Games
      • Treading Softly on the Politicizing of the 2014 Sochi Olympics Over Gay Rights
      • Why NATO Operations in Libya Lack a Well-defined Mission
      • China Hijacks the Web
      • Lessons from the Great Japanese Earthquake of 2011
      • A Modernizing Cuba Offers an Opportunity for Capitalists
      • The Seeds of Democracy Take Root in the Middle East
      • The Rebirth of Democracy in Tunisia
      • What May Come from the Hurt Revolution in Libya
      • Responding to the Violence of Qaddafi and Other Besieged Leaders
      • Embracing the Rise of a Democratic Egypt
      • Protests in Afghanistan Turn Deadly for Coalition Forces and UN Personnel
      • Haiti: Another Failing Humanitarian Investment
      • What Karzai Can Learn from Calderon
      • START II: A Necessary, Easy Success that Nearly Failed
      • Why Does the U.S. Government Support Independence for the Breakaway Serb Territory of Kosovo but Oppose Independence for the Breakaway Georgian Territories of Abkhazia and South Ossetia?
      • Iraq's Electric Issues: When Human Wants Trump Economic Sense
      • The International Community Reacts to Wikileaks: We May Be Moving Toward a Third World War in Cyberspace
      • On Climate Gate
      • Assessing Obama's Afghanistan War strategy
      • 2009 Iranian Presidential Election: The Fallout
      • Resolving Sri Lankan Conflict through Free Media
      • What are the Global Consequences of Russia's Invasion of Georgia
      • The War in Iraq: an assessment of President Bush's surge strategy
      • Drug War: Actions of Venezuela, Columbia, Ecuador in terms of Resovereignization
      • Is the Iraq Refugee Crisis America's Responsibility?
      • US support for a united Kosovo, Abkhazia, and South Ossetia: why?
      • Should the US withdraw from Iraq?
      • Setting a Timetable for Troop Withdrawal from Iraq is a Terrible Mistake
      • War on Terrorism is needed
    • Law and Order >
      • Rape in the US Military
      • Ethics of Force-feeding Guantanamo Bay Detainees
      • Reacting to the Aftermath of the Tucson Massacre
    • Economy >
      • Affordability Drives Fear of Obamacare and the Individual Mandate
      • Is the Economy Built for a Job's Recovery?
      • Gutting Healthcare Reform of the Individual Mandate
      • Arizona Budget Cuts Lead to Lethal Healthcare Rationing:
      • Shameful Collection Practices of American Banks
      • The Fed Reveals it Actually Undertook an International Bailout
      • Thoughts on French Budgetary Reforms
      • Seniors Start Businesses
      • The Case for Slimming Down the US Military to Make it Better
      • Looking at the Obama Administration's New Approach to Economic Policy
      • Should the Government Regulate the Credit Card Industry?
      • The Big Three's Big Chance
      • The Unhealthy Tone of the Healthcare Reform Debate
      • Should the federal government offer a bailout for home owners?
      • Environmentalists: Do They Do More Good Than More Harm?
      • Responding to Scott Walker's Contribution to the War on Unions
    • US Government >
      • America Needs to Focus on the Impending Fiscal Crisis
      • Reacting to the Bush Era-tax Cut Extension Deal
      • Quitting the Obama Revolution: The Fickle Nature of American Politics
      • John Boehner's Circus
      • Is the Fed Putting Itself in Jeopardy?
      • Wikileaks Goes After the US State Department
      • Discussing the Political Environment Surrounding the 2011 Budget Debate
      • What the Democrats Can Do to Ensure a GOP Year in 2012
      • What the 2010 Midterm Actually Said
      • Congresswoman Kathy Dahlkemper
      • Democrats Minus Nancy Pelosi Equals Opportunity
      • Terrorists Go Postal: The Terrorism Threat Reexamined
      • Victory in the 2008 Election: Reaction to Barack Obama'a Win >
        • Expectations for Barack Obama
      • President Obama's first one hundred days
      • John McCain's Negative Campaign
      • Reasons People did not Elect John Mccain
      • History judges the George W. Bush Administration
      • Should the next US President focus on domestic issues?
      • President Bush, should he resign or be impeached
      • Should the Ban on Government Sponsored Assassinations be Repealed
    • Off Topic >
      • A Face of America’s Greatest Generation
      • A Story About a Man Who Made the World a Better Place
      • Making the World a Better Place
      • The Bipolar Ethical Nature of Google
      • Learning Computer Plays Jeopardy
      • Verifying Medicine is the Real Thing
      • Taking a Practical Step Forward in Optical Computing Using Slow Light
      • Scientists Take a Closer Look at How Lithium Batteries Work
      • Remarking on the First Blizzard of the 2010-2011 Winter Season
      • Driving in the Snow: Acceleration is the Key
      • How People in Northwest PA Are Coping with the Increasing Cost of Oil
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